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Kurt Smith

Specialist in Counseling Men and the women who love them

I want to have conversations on Google+ that make me think, learn, and laugh. If you do too, then please engage with me.Men, Women, Relationships, Love and Health . . . aren't these topics we all have in common . . . ones we all need to understand better . . . things we all could learn more about from each other??? So join the conversation and think, learn, and laugh along with us.My Promise To You: Five days a week on Google+ I'll start a conversation about one of the above topics and I guarantee you'll have an opinion about it! You may like it, hate it, think I'm crazy or an idiot, possibly even brilliant, but I guarantee you'll have something to say about it.Want to Connect on Google+? This page is one of the best places to do it. As one of the Top 50 Profiles on Google+ for engagement, my posts get +1, commented on, and shared . . . a lot (source: +CircleCount). Join in and get connected. If you want to get your stream rockin' and rollin', try sharing some of these posts and...


Ranked: 1st in California Most Engaging This Month (by Shares)

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Date Following Followers Gained
Recent Popular Posts
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About 10 weeks ago 3 Traits Of A 'Good' Relationship

A recent article from PBS looked at the current research on happiness (http://goo.gl/8mDWkt). One of the most significant findings was that, whether we’re an introvert or an extrovert, we’re happier when we have close relationships in our lives than when we’re alone.

Healthy relationships are absolutely essential to our happiness. This probably isn’t shocking news to most of us – our own life experiences have shown this to be true. But the key to this happiness is finding those close, loving relationships. Here are three important traits to look for in someone when you are searching for a relationship.

Find someone who:
   Accepts your past. We all come with baggage. Find someone who’ll help you unpack it.
   Supports your present. We need a cheerleader to help us get through each day.
   Encourages your future. Having a partner who encourages you to pursue your dreams is essential.

If you’re looking for a 
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About 12 weeks ago We All Need Our Relationship To Be "Safe"

When was the last time we had a real heart-to-heart with our partner? When was the last time they shared how they were truly feeling . . . and we allowed them to do so?

In our intimate relationships, it can be very hard, even scary, to share with our partner how we truly feel about things - especially about them. Yet our partner is feeling this same fear about sharing the same with us.

Most of us want them to share. We want to know how they feel. But it's easy to do things we aren't even aware of that make it hard for them to share their feelings. Maybe we jump in and try to fix things when they just need a listening ear. Or maybe we’re too quick to defend ourselves or offer excuses.

So let's do a self-check. Let's identify ways we might be making it less than easy for our partner to be courageous with us. One of the ways to do this is to ask our partner how we could do that better. Let's work t
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About 7 weeks ago Why It’s So Worth It To Work At Love

We’ve all heard it – “love is a verb” . . . “love isn’t just a word” . . . “love requires action.” You’ve even heard me say it a number times in my posts. And these statements are all true.

Okay, so love is an action, but why is that so important? Why is it so worth it to work for love? What’s the benefit of putting our love into motion? Because in a healthy relationship, where both partners are investing the time and energy to make their love grow, the long-term results can be pretty spectacular.

Relationships can be hard. Tough times will come and go throughout our lives that will test our relationship. And the benefit of committing to loving our partner and investing in the relationship in the 'good times,' and even when we don’t “feel” like it, is that we're strengthening our relationship for the 'bad times.' 

It's an amazing feeling to get through a struggle together and look back and see where we’ve
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About 13 weeks ago We Need To Accept & Believe How Others See Us

Many of us are very good at encouraging others, pointing out their positives and extending understanding when they make mistakes. So why don't we do that very well with ourselves?

Unfortunately, a critical self-image is a common struggle for many us. We get feedback from others that (often accurately) tells us there are some pretty wonderful things about us. But we disregard that information and cling to our own less-than-rosy self-view.

We all need to be open to changing our self-image based on the feedback we get from the people around us. We have positive attributes that others recognize in us. t's time to accept what they're telling us, even if we can't always see it ourselves.

#selfimage   #selflove   #kurtstips  Image: http://goo.gl/U68Scv







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About 10 weeks ago True Love Takes Action

"I love you." The three most powerful words that we all want to hear from our partner. But words can be just that – only words.

What happens when these are just empty words, when there are no actions to show they're true? This sends a very loud message that our priorities are elsewhere. This doesn’t mean that we don’t love our partner, but it does mean that we aren’t making the effort to ensure that they feel and know it.

To maintain and grow real love, we need to live it out in how we treat each other. This is necessary in the little things, like a quick kiss before we walk out the door, and the big things, like dealing with conflict while still treating each other with respect.

When we say, “I love you,” let’s make sure it’s not just lip service. Let’s prove our love through our actions.

#loveinaction   #showyourlove   #kurtstips  
Image: http://goo.gl/Fw0zXW









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About 11 weeks ago Don't Put Up With A Bullying 'Loser'

"Bullying is for losers." We know this to be true about bullying, so why do we put up with it? Many of us hear the word "bullying" and we think of kids, but it happens just as much to adults.

Under no circumstances do any of us have to put up with being bullied by another person, but especially not our partner. Don't believe any of the lies your mind (or your partner) may try to tell you – it is abuse, it’s not okay, you didn’t bring it upon yourself, and you don’t deserve it.

The person who is abusing you is being a 'loser,' and deep down they know it. They feel so badly about themselves and are not willing to address the real issue (themselves), so they've turned their anger on you. This isn’t okay.

If you're in a relationship where you're being bullied or abused, get some professional advice on how to change it. If you're unsure if it's really abuse, as many peopl
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About 12 weeks ago A Twist In Our Perspective Changes Everything

I don't naturally have 20/20 vision. I need glasses to be able to see the things around me more clearly. I just slip them on, and everything comes into focus. Oh, if it were just that easy in life!

Sometimes it's hard to see the present as anything positive, especially when things aren't going quite as planned. One of the ways our minds cope with the unpleasantness of life is to escape into the past. And the past in our minds is often one we've rewritten to make better than it actually was. With a "glass half full" past, we then color our current circumstances with a "glass half empty" attitude.

But what if we twist this perspective around? What if we view the past a bit more critically and the present more optimistically? Then we could be more positive and happy about today and more realistic about our past.

It's amazing how a slight shift in perspective can really change our atti
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About 12 weeks ago Life Requires Intentionality

I'm wondering if anyone out there has ever woken up one day and wondered how you got where you are. It wasn't the plan you had. It wasn't where you intended to be at 30, 40 or even 60. But life happened, and this is where you are.

Where you are is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just not where you thought you'd be. The good news is that it's never too late to adjust your course and work toward the life you want. As writer C. S. Lewis once said, "You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream."

The key to accomplishing this is being intentional about where we want to go. When we have a plan on how to get there, we make things happen to get us there rather than allowing life to take us wherever.

So what's really important to you? Be intentional about building your life around the answer.

#planyourfuture   #personalgrowth   #kurtstips  
Image: http://goo.gl/AAjTk0
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About 3 weeks ago There's A 'Secret' to Staying in Love

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there is one divorce every 36 seconds in the United States. That translates to 2,400 divorces every day, 16,800 every week, and 876,000 every year. I’m a professional therapist working with divorcing couples on a daily basis, and these statistics still blow my mind.

What gives? Why are so many people headed to divorce court? I think the graphic above isn’t too far from the truth – “Only a few people know how to stay in love with one person for a very long period of time.” And research backs this up: almost three-quarters of divorcing couples say their marriage failed due to a lack of commitment, either on their own part or their partner’s (National Fatherhood Initiative).  

So what’s the secret to staying in love for a long period of time? Commitment. Merriam-Webster defines commitment as, “a promise to be loyal to someone; the attitude of someone who works very hard
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About 11 weeks ago Let Your Words' Echoes Build, Not Destroy

Leadership author and speaker Michael Hyatt tells a story from his childhood that illustrates the power of words. On his first day at a new junior high, another student commented on what a big nose Michael had. Hyatt admits that, not only did those words impact him that day, but it also took him almost 20 years to stop seeing his nose as his defining feature.

Hurtful words caused damage for decades. But the opposite is also true -- just a few kind words can positively impact a person for a lifetime. And it's very easy to make this happen.

Starting today, let's look for opportunities to (genuinely) reach out to someone with a thoughtful comment or encouraging word. It's not hard to do and doesn't take much time. Our words can be short and sweet and still impact someone (positively) for years to come.

#powerofwords   #communication   #kurtstips  
Image: http://goo.gl/VDj6i9